


Facade - A Dean x Reader Love Story

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Broken Dean Winchester, Broken Reader, Crying Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester / crying reader, Dean Winchseter / Depressed reader, Fluff, Hurt Dean Winchester, Other, Romance, Romantic Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Supernatural Reader insert, Tortured Dean Winchester, demon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-03
Updated: 2016-05-03
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:54:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6737170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dean might not know about what you go through, how you feel about yourself, but it was worth hiding it. To see him gradually regain his calmness as you comforted him when he needed it was worth masking your own pain. <i>Dean was worth it</i>. You doubted he felt the same way for you, and you doubted he ever would. But that was okay. Because now, it was just you, him, and the stars, and for a little bit at least- you could believe that everything was going to be okay. You could believe for a moment that Dean would be happy, <i>forever</i>. That one day you'd get rid of all the pent up emotions inside of you, and that one day, maybe, just <i>maybe</i>, Dean would love you the way you so desperately loved him."</p><p>*EDIT*<br/>So I really should've gotten around to doing this ages ago, but I'm officially marking this as abandoned. I never actually bothered because I kind of thought this would just be forgotten but... I somehow still get kudos and an occasional comment? So instead of leading people on I figured I might as well just do it. Sorry y'all! You won't be seeing any reader inserts from me anymore either, lol. Hopped off that train YEARS ago. However, I'll still leave this up for people who are into that to read</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

*****THIS MAY BE EDITED BECAUSE THIS FIC IS STILL IN PROGRESS*****

Welcome to my very first fanfiction! I was intending on keeping it to a oneshot, but it ended up having potential for a whole fricken plotline and all that stuff, so I decided, ehh, why not make it a complete fanfiction? 

Anyway, I would really reeeally appreciate some feedback. I don’t have very much experience with this stuff right now. I mean I’ve read fanfiction for God knows how long, but writing it is pretty new to me. I wasn’t even planning on making it a full story in the first place so, if you’ve got any tips, feedback or even just a little opinion of yours I’d LOVE to hear it, I’m up for anything if it means I can please an audience as well as improve my writing. 

So yea, tips and constructive criticism highly _highly_ appreciated, and thank you so much in advance to those who (hopefully) comment, leave kudos, etc etc! I really hope you enjoy this! 

***Note***  
If some of you have read this before, yes, I did repost it. When I had the first two chapters up something went wrong, and there was this whole problem where both my chapters became copies of the second chapter, my first chapter had disappeared completely, all the comments had vanished, and my hits had somehow gone down by a HUGE amount. 

Fixing it was taking wayyy too long, and I spent a lot of precious time trying to, consequently ending up being far behind on making progress with writing this. SO, I just decided to repost the whole damn thing. _Sigh._

Anyway, that's enough of me talking. Time to read your way through being in love with a certain Winchester boy! *wink wink*

I'll try to update as regularly as I can, and, like I said, please comment, I'm grateful for all feedback. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy!


	2. The Autumn Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dean might not know about what you go through, how you feel about yourself, but it was worth hiding it. To see him gradually regain his calmness as you  
> comforted him when he needed it was worth masking your own pain. _Dean was worth it_. You doubted he felt the same way for you, and you doubted he  
>  ever would. But that was okay. Because now, it was just you, him, and the stars, and for a little bit at least- you could believe that everything was going  
> to be okay. You could believe for a moment that Dean would be happy, _forever_. That one day you'd get rid of all the pent up emotions inside of  
>  you, and that one day, maybe, just _maybe_ , Dean would love you the way you so desperately loved him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first chapter! 
> 
> Note that this sort of starts in the middle of Dean and the reader's friendship, but your history and everything with the Winchesters is explained clearly enough.
> 
> Other than that this chapter mainly consists of some Demon action, a sad, sad Dean and Reader being a sweetheart. (Obviously a lot deeper than that though okay I promise I didn't half-ass this)
> 
> Please please please comment and tell me what you think, I’m open to all constructive criticism and anything that helps :) 
> 
> Aaaand, that will be all. Have a great read, I hope you enjoy this!

**YN**

"Sammy, I'm heading out for some air alright?"  
You heard his "okay", muffled by the door, and walked out into the cool, autumn air. 

You and the boys had gotten back from an energy-draining hunt today. Dean had gone through some especially abusive interrogation thanks to some demon asshole, and you wanted to see if he was okay.  
You cared about each other like you were family. Dean was sweet to you. He respected you, accepted you... treated you like you were a normal human being. 

But even after all that, you knew deep down he'd never care for you the way you did him. 

You couldn't help getting attached, it was just that people never treated you the way Dean did. The last time someone was even remotely nice to you was back when your parents were still around. Nasty vampire incident when you were eleven, and that was it for you. You got into the life when you were thirteen. 

Your social skills and self-confidence hit a massive deterioration, which inevitably led to bullies at school, cheerleaders shaming you and snarky sluts degrading you even at your first attempt at a job. People seemed to find the fact you were practically a sociopath quite amusing. They made fun of your scars and bruises and laughed at your feeble attempts to ignore them. If only they knew how you got those scars. You used to wish they were monsters so you could gank them right then and there.  
  
  


It happened years later. The Winchesters. The three of you met one day when you realized you were working the same case, and decided it'd be best to work on it together. Funnily enough, it was Sam who had to convince Dean to trust you, and you to trust them for that matter.  
But after that hunt, you all found that you worked well as a team. You were an average fighter, better at least than what people would assume if they'd judged your skills by your physique. (You'd only learnt most of what you knew by defending yourself from dick bags who’d beat you up in high school.) But your knowledge in the field was astounding, and Sam and Dean gradually found themselves calling you for help whenever they were stuck on a case.  
You three got closer, and the boys would never stop talking about how much easier things were with your help. Hunts that would usually take them three to four days turned into a single days work, simply with the help of your vast knowledge and research.  
To top things off, they loved having you around. It took you a long time to believe that they weren't saying it out of pity, your anti-socialness alone had always been enough to drive people away.  
  


Although, you couldn't deny that you'd softened up to them incredibly fast. You never really knew why, but you found yourself being able to talk to them without stuttering, you smiled a ton more and you'd crack jokes and make witty comments, sometimes earning laughs so hard they'd be reduced to tears. You were apparently hilarious. 

For a while, Dean did try and get you out of your bubble. He even made a few attempts at setting you up with people. But eventually he understood it was just who you were, and for the first time in your life, someone accepted one of your flaws. 

Dean would start renting movies for the two of you to watch, Sam occasionally joining in. He'd drive to your favourite diner to get a take away for you. If he went out to the bar, instead of dragging you along with him he'd come back a little earlier to spend some time with you. He'd rant about anything, some hot chick he met, his favourite movie, a sandwich he had the other day. You'd just go along with it. You enjoyed finally having someone to talk to, and Dean was great company. 

But it wasn’t until you got closer he _really_ started toopen up. If you noticed something was off, he'd tell you what was wrong, and you managed to help him. Some nights he'd wake you up if he had a nightmare and you'd listen to him and comfort him, and help him get back to sleep. It didn't really matter how, sometimes you'd just talk to him about stuff that made him happy, occasionally you'd sing to him. Sometimes, all you'd have to do was hold him, be there with him, and you would run your hands through his hair and sit there in comfortable silence as he would slowly drift off to sleep. 

At first he was embarrassed, he thought you'd think he was a wimp for wanting help. He'd say it was "just a nightmare", and that he should be able to handle it on his own. But if anyone understood problems like this, it'd be you. You convinced him it was okay to ask for help, even though that would make you a _huge_ hypocrite. 

Nevertheless, this was the beginning of the relationship you and Dean had now, and you regret none of it. 

You still had the same fears and anxiety. When you weren't undercover, the only people you'd actually talk to were the two brothers. You still hated everything about yourself. Your body, the way you looked, your social skills... you still believed that you'd never be good enough for the Winchesters, for anybody. You've had years to recover yet even now you cried for your parents. 

You vividly remembered their limp bodies on the floor. You remember crying, all the _crying_. You remember the crying turning into choking sobs when you saw them wake up, not knowing if you were shedding tears of happiness or terror. 

You remember then looking into their eyes and not seeing them anymore. 

You remember them trying to kill you when all you wanted was for them tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight. You remembered the exact moment you knew it was all over for you. 

You remember in detail the things people would say about you, you remember when you realized you weren't normal, that you weren't good enough for anyone, that you weren't worth anyone's time. It was like these thoughts were etched into your brain, and the second you were left alone they'd start eating away at you, trying to consume you, trying to break you. And to this day, almost every night as you lie in bed, you'd accept defeat... and break. 

Sam and Dean of course, knew nothing about this. All you told them was about your parents, when they asked you how you got into hunting. You didn't want to trouble them with your backstory, their lives were complicated enough as it is and you didn't want to burden them with problems that weren't theirs to worry about. Dean, especially. 

After a while wandering outside the crappy motel, you found him leaning against the hood of the impala, looking up at the sky. The night was a dark veil dotted with burning stars, and you found yourself mesmerized by the sight of the whole thing. You could never fathom how a man could be so... _perfect_. The luminescence of his silhouette alone was enough to get your heart racing. Enough to stop you dead in your tracks, just to take everything in. The curves of his broad shoulders, the veins in his arms, the muscles of his back showing through his shirt, his gorgeous chocolate-brown hair shining in the moonlight. Even from the back Dean was the most gorgeous man you'd set your eyes on, who appeared to be.... _crying_? 

You began to walk closer, and managed to make out faint sniffs and erratic breathing. You decided it'd be best to approach him calmly, you didn't want to startle him.  
When you got to the right of the impala, his crying was much easier to hear. Now Dean had his head in his hands, and you could tell he was trying to calm himself down. He'd managed to slow his breathing, 

"Dean?" you tried to sound as calm as possible; voice barely louder than a whisper, but you saw him tense up. As soon as he looked at you he turned back around and made an attempt to wipe his eyes without making it look too obvious. 

''Hey Y/N." His voice was quiet. You walked to the front of the car and stood facing him. 

"Hey…” Your voice trailed off as you took in his demeanor. He was slumped and his hands balled up together into a loose fist, resting on his lap. Dean was a huge guy, but he now seemed as if he had shrunk three times in size. A look of concern overtook your eyes. 

“Dean, what's wrong?'' 

Dean kept his head down and didn't say a word. 

"Dean? Look up, honey-" 

He shifted his position on the hood slightly, as if he was contemplating on whether he should look at you or not. But he stuck to the latter, shifting slightly yet looking everywhere but at you, rubbing the back of his head before bringing his eyes back down again. It was like he couldn't bring himself to look you in the eye. This couldn't have been about the demon, could it? You had encountered the same one before. It wasn’t- well… 

It wasn’t anything at least, that Dean couldn’t handle. It was an ordinary demon, but you had a personal, bad _bad_ experience with this one. 

Did he think he'd done something wrong? What if he thought you were mad at him? Had you been acting like you were mad at him? 

"Hey, c'mon Dean. You can talk to me." 

Dean finally gathered enough courage to look up at you, but he stayed silent.  
The minute you caught sight of his face, you felt your heart drop. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was tear stained as if he'd been sobbing uncontrollably for hours. The pained expression on his face was still prominent, and your chest tightened as you realized how long he must've been sitting alone out here, while you and Sam were inside chatting away, arguing about ice-cream flavours. You knew well from experience that it wasn't the nicest thing to go through. 

"Dean I...gosh, how long have you been out here? W-what happened?" you reached out and began to rub his arm. 

"I'm fine Y/N. Rough day that's all." 

Your eyebrows furrowed, as your hand slowed to a stop, resting on his shoulder. You knew he was lying. Dean crying over a rough day? He'd have to try harder than that to fool even Sam, let alone you. 

"You can't fool me with that, Dean." You kept your voice gentle. "I'm here now, I'm going to listen to you, and I'm going to help you. You can't expect me to catch you crying your eyes out and brush it off as a _rough day._ "  
The moment you said those words you noticed Deans eyes watering up again. He was trying to hold it in, he was trying so hard. You felt your chest tighten once more. "It's okay, you don't have to hide it..." You wiped his tears. "You can let it out to me Dean, you know that. Tell me what's wrong. Has this got something to do with that demon?" 

You noticed him stiffen once more. 

"It is, isn't it?" Your voice still soft. You were comforting him, not interrogating him. "What did he do to you?" 

"Nothing Y/N, seriously. You don't need to ask if I'm okay."  
................................................................................................................................................ 

**DEAN**

__ -flashback-  
**_  
_ ** **_Dean regains consciousness. He's strapped to a chair. He tries to survey his surroundings but winces in pain, everything hurt, he could barely move. Everything that had happened started coming back to him. Getting separated from Sam and Y/N, being thrown down a staircase, getting knocked unconscious, waking up to excruciating pain and losing consciousness again. He looks up and notices a tall, slender man- no, demon- in a grey suit. He remembers him. He had pale skin and pitch black, slicked back hair. This was the same demon Y/N had faced a few months back. He smiles down at Dean._ **

****__  
_DEMON-_ _"Ah, so you_ _could_ ___handle it! I was starting to worry the cheese grater might have been a little too harsh, but I've always wanted_  
to try that on someone." ****  
  


****__Dean says nothing. A few seconds of silence pass by as Dean tries to get used to his surroundings once again. Dark, windows so murky you couldn't see a thing through them. (basement, most likely) Shelves of jars containing god knows what. Brass door, table of torture devic-  
  


_DEMON-_ _"Dean Dean Dean, you are one pathetic son of a gun you know that?"_  
**Dean stays silent.**  
_"No, really! Just one little monologue about daddy and you're off the chain! Honestly I think it's...quite adorable."_

_DEAN-_ _"How bout you shut your trap, you evil son of a bi-"_  
__  
_DEMON-_ _"Even Sam isn't as breakable as you are."_  
**_Dean feels himself tense up at the mention of his brother._ **  
_"Ooo, getting a little tense are we? Talking about your baby bro works too!"_  
**_Dean doesn't respond, as the demon circles around him and ends up standing behind him._ **  
_"Hmm, you aren't as boring as Y/N. She's a tough nut to crack."_

**_Dean feels anger surge through him. The demon’s voice was slick and smooth, slicing through the air like butter. He struggles in the grip of the ropes in a feeble attempt to get out and show that asshole a piece of his mind, but he only laughs, leans down and stops behind Deans head to whisper into his ear._ **

_"I think it's cause she works so hard, everyday...hiding everything from you. Hiding herself from you."_

****__He stands up again.  
  
_"You know what they say, practice makes perfect!"_  
**_The demon sounded way too happy, too cheerful. He was enjoying this too damn much. It only made Dean angrier_** __.  
  
_DEAN-_ _"What the hell are you talking about."_

_DEMON-_ _"Oh! So you actually don't know, huh? Wow, she really is good."_  
  
_DEAN-_ **_Dean's tone becomes much more menacing. He speaks through gritted teeth._** _"Hiding WHAT_ _"_

**_The demon looks into Deans eyes, and smirks._**

_  
_ _DEMON-_ _"Oh it's nothing big, just her everlasting sadness and emotional pain she's been hiding since she was uh...let's see, eleven?"_

**_At this, Dean scoffed._**

_DEAN-_ _"Nice try dumb ass, but if you're gonna lie to me you might as well make it believable." **"Y/N" and "everlasting sadness"? Who was he trying to fool?** _

**_But this only seemed to amuse him. He puffed out his bottom lip and gave Dean a mock-pitiful look._**

_DEMON-_ __"She hides it all, Dean.  
Her carefree attitude and crap? That's all a façade. You know, someone who was really in love with a person would've probably  
figured that out. Buuut then again, you're...well,  you. "  
  


_DEAN-_ **_Dean hesitates for a moment, but quickly covers it with anger._** __"Demons lie. Y/N's good, she’s okay. And she out of all people would never keep things hidden!"  
  


_DEMON-_ _"Would you have said the same if you'd seen her on the nights she's alone? When she's left with her own thoughts?"_  
**_As Dean's hard expression falters, ever so slightly, the demon's smirk turns into a toothy smile. He's enjoying himself._**   
_"Would you have said the same thing if you'd seen her crying in her bed when you're asleep? If you'd seen her clutching a picture  
of her parents every year on the night of their wedding anniversary?" _

_DEAN-_ _“No...no, no, Y/N, she’s… she’s good. She’s fine. She always is, dammit. Y/N is-”_

**_The demon’s smirk disappears, and for the first time, he fixes Dean with a stare so stern, he couldn’t help but stare back, the slightest bit of fear beginning to grow in his stomach. Not fear of the demon however, but the fear of the demon confirming Dean’s worrying thoughts starting to form about Y/N. The demon speaks in a low, gravelly voice._ **

_DEMON-_ _“Don’t be so sure, Dean-o.”_

**_Dean's eyes widen, the tiniest bit. What if....what if he wasn't lying? Was Y/N really...had she been hiding things from him? Things like this? _ ** ****__  
__  
**_The demon's smile widens into an almost psychotic grin. His voice lowers to a deep, accusing tone._**  
_"Would you say the same thing, if you watched her push down her sadness, hold back her tears, to tend to your puny little_  
_nightmares?"_

_DEAN-_ **_Dean's in denial now, and he's pissed off real bad._ ** _" You're lying. Demons lie. You're trying to break me. Y/N wouldn't do that. She_ _would never hide something like that." (Not from me...please, at least not from me)_

_DEMON-_ _"She hides her pain so you can vent out all yours! She has to handle ALL your crap, and her own too!"_

**_The demon's laughing now, having all the fun in the world._**

_"Oh man, Dean you have NO IDEA how much shit that girl takes! A-ha-h-and it's all your fault! All this time you could've helped her_  
_and you...you just gave her more things to keep all locked up inside of her! I mean come ON!"_

**_The Demon puts on a game show_** _**host voice**. _

_"Dean Winchester falls madly in love with a girl, and his next big move is...make her life more depressing than it's ever _  
_been!"_

**_The demon was laughing maniacally now, heaving for breath between words._**

**_Dean couldn't even hear him anymore. He couldn't hear anything. His breathing had gotten heavier and his head was spinning uncontrollably. He didn't hear Sam come in and kill that son of a bitch. He didn't feel Y/N untying him from his bonds. He didn't hear her call for Sam, to help her hoist him up. All he could hear was the demons taunting words, playing on repeat in his head like a broken stereo, designed to drive a man insane. He didn’t want to believe what he'd heard. The demon must have been lying. He MUST have...right?_ **

**_What if he wasn't? Had he really been doing that to Y/N? Was he really causing Y/N pain?_** **_Pain like this? Y/N had made him understand after keeping things in, that it was okay, that it was good to let everything out. He knew now that everyone needed to, and he knew thanks to her. Yet this whole time, she had been doing the exact opposite, and on his account? _ **

**_He had caused this. He had been causing it for two years._**  
_  
_ _Hiding it, for him..._

_-end of flashback-_   
  
"Dean, of course I have to ask. You _know_ I care." 

When Dean looked up at you now, he couldn't look at you the same way. Were the demon's words true? He was always closer and closer to believing what he had said until he looked at your face again. You looked so calm, so... stormless. There wasn't a single trace of sadness on your face, and if there ever was, at that moment it was completely overridden by a look of pure concern. Concern for _him_. 

_How_ ? How could you be so strong? How could he have been so ignorant?  
How could he want you to fix him, when you were more broken than he'd ever been?  
He felt selfish, cruel even. He just couldn't do it. He couldn't ask for you to patch him up again. At least not now, not like this. 

"Y/N I just... I don't really wanna talk about it." He noticed the immediate worried look on your face. "Hey, don't worry. I'm fine, and I'm not mad at you." He managed the tiniest smile. He saw you relax a little, and felt himself relax at the sight. God, he just wanted you. He wanted you here, now, with him. It was selfish, but he was desperate. Desperate for you, desperate for your presence. 

"Is it okay if we just, sat here? Just you and me? Can we forget about this whole thing, just for now... please?” 

................................................................................................................................................ 

  
**Y/N**

The longer you looked at him, the worse he looked. It was so hard to see him like this. You didn't want to leave it at that. And you were worried. Dean was always open to you about how he felt. Had you done something wrong? Even after his attempt at reassuring you, you couldn't help but think about it. And that aside, you just couldn't leave him to battle whatever this was alone. No one should have to battle their breakdowns alone. You knew extremely well how hard that could be. But his plea was so genuine, almost desperate.  
"Please, Y/N? Beautiful night..." He gestured to the sky. "We can just enjoy the view." 

You couldn't say no. Not to Dean. 

"Sure, Dean. Of course we can." 

You smiled softly, heart aching for the green eyed hunter, and Dean responded with a smile back. 

It was the smallest of smiles, barely even traceable, and you knew he wasn't smiling because he felt better. You knew he wasn't okay, and you knew he wouldn't be for a while. You wanted to help him, to wipe his tears and bring his beautiful smile back. But he didn't feel like talking about whatever was hurting him right now, and that was okay. Unusual, but okay. And you respected that. 

You moved from standing in front of Dean to sit next to him on the hood of the impala. He wrapped his arm around you snugly and held you close. You leaned your head into his shoulder, and held your arms around his torso, clinging onto him comfortably. 

You loved moments like this, because even when you knew you were both far from okay, Dean's embrace could make you forget the world. You could clear your mind, take in your surroundings. You took in his scent and sighed. 

Dean was right, it was a beautiful night. It was a clear, eminently starry night, and the moon seemed to appear larger. The tall grass slowly swayed in rhythm with the soft autumn breeze as coloured leaves flew off the branches of shedding trees, casting shadows as they effortlessly wafted down, only to disappear down into a mass of green. Having Dean by your side made it ever the more calming and gratifying. 

Dean might not know about what you go through, how you feel about yourself, but it was worth hiding it. To see him gradually regain his calmness as you comforted him when he needed it was worth masking your own pain. _Dean was worth it_. You doubted he felt the same way for you, and you doubted he ever would. But that was okay. Because now, it was just you, him, and the stars, and for a little bit at least- you could believe that everything was going to be okay. You could believe for a moment that Dean would be happy, _forever_. That one day you'd get rid of all the pent up emotions inside of you, and that one day, maybe, just _maybe_ , Dean would love you the way you so desperately loved him. 

**DEAN**

Dean had loved Y/N for so long, for the way she cared about him and Sam, for the way she took care of his problems like they were her own. She was a sight for sore eyes after a long hunt, or after a fight with Sam, after anything. She was always so happy, happy to see him, happy to talk to him, she was so happy. She was his ray of sunshine when he was stuck in a thunderstorm. 

Now, as Dean looked at her, snug in his arms and admiring the view, he felt like he was looking at a whole new person. He wasn't looking at a sweet, shy girl who cared about him like he was her blood. 

No, Dean was looking at the most incredible girl he'd ever seen. He was looking at an insanely strong, persevering, beautiful girl who could fight her damn way through anything she wanted, because strength like that takes a long time and a hell of a lot of pain to achieve. And now he knew how long she'd been fighting. 

They stayed that way for a while, just sitting in comfortable silence, not once letting go of each other. Two hours, maybe three. He'd lost track of time. At some point he glanced at her, and realized she had fallen asleep. But he continued to sit there. He didn't want this moment to end, he was going to make it last. 

That night Dean looked down at Y/N and fell in love with her all over again. He didn't pay attention to the sky, he barely felt the breeze on his face because his true happiness was right there, snug in his arms. For more than three years she had been calming him down, constantly pulling him back from the edge, making him feel safer, stronger, making him feel like he was worth something with her sweet words of comfort and encouragement. And the entire time all he was doing was making her life exceedingly miserable. 

He was angry. Angry that he was the one who'd been making her feel this way for so long when all he wanted to do was to tell her just how head over heels in love with her he was, how much he wanted to be hers. 

Dean studied Y/N's sleeping form, leaning on his shoulder. He was in complete awe, unable to look away. She looked so at peace, so...beautiful. But after finding out the truth about her, he couldn't help but want to hold her in the most gentle way possible, and never let her go. She suddenly seemed so fragile, yet at the same time she was the strongest girl in the world. 

Y/N had no idea what a gem she was. She had no idea how lucky people should feel to have someone like her in their life. She's had such little kindness shown to her, anyone who had gone through what she has would have every right to be cold towards the world. 

But not Y/N, that’s just not who she is. Y/N had chosen to stay kind, warm, _humble_. He'd cross universes for her, and she didn't have a goddamn clue. 

But Dean was determined to change that. He was going to make sure she knew she was appreciated, that she was loved, that she was wanted, that she was amazing, that she was drop-dead _gorgeous_ and that to him, she was worth every star in the goddamn sky. 

For more than three years, Y/N had been fixing him. Slowly putting his pieces back together as he kept falling apart. 

He may be long overdue, but now it was his turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it to the end! Lovely! 
> 
> Just a reminder that this is in fact my first fanfic, so I apologize if it's a little sloppy.
> 
> I'll be posting chapter two soon, hopefully tomorrow, so if you'd like to know when that's up just go on ahead and subscribe!
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this! Don't forget to comment, tell me what you thought! Have a great day :) (Or night, since like half the people in the fandom world are night owls)


	3. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was too bright.  
> The almost rambunctious chirp of morning sparrows filled the air.
> 
> The bed felt too hard... _way_ too hard.
> 
> You didn't feel a blanket on you.
> 
> But then, why could you still feel something warm to your left?
> 
> Why was it wearing plaid?
> 
> Why could you feel it's breath on your hair?
> 
>  
> 
> _Wait."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Here's chapter two, finally. This one was a little more rushed than the first, but hopefully it's still enjoyable enough.
> 
> So, that's all really. Have a nice read!

**Y/N**

It was too bright.  
The almost rambunctious chirp of morning sparrows filled the air. 

The bed felt too hard... _way_ too hard. 

You didn't feel a blanket on you. 

But then, why could you still feel something warm to your left? 

Why was it wearing plaid? 

Why could you feel it's breath on your hair? 

_Wait._

You felt a gentle breeze in the air. Yup, you were definitely outside.  
_  
..._

__Outside!?  
  
Your eyes shot open. The events from last night came flooding back. You came outside to look for Dean, his face broke your heart, you tried to help him but he didn't want to talk about it. 

_Dean_ ... 

Your eyes widened as you finally realized who's breath it was on you hair. Sure enough, your head was buried in Dean's neck, his arms around you holding you close. You felt your face burn up. Of course you two had fallen asleep together before, you helped him sleep all the time, but never like _this_ . You usually just sat by his bed or had his head in your lap. I was never this _..._ this _intimate_. 

You were now becoming increasingly aware of the situation and you were able to put pieces together, as you cursed yourself for being so slow in the mornings. Though you couldn't blame yourself at this particular moment...your heart was beating so hard you could barely hear yourself think. 

After you had found Dean sobbing on the impala, you tried consoling him. But this time, contrary to the norm, Dean didn't want to talk about what was bothering him. It worried you, and you were still very worried, but he asked- almost _begged_ you to let it go, at least for that one night. He had asked you to sit and admire the view with him, and the last thing you remembered was falling asleep with his arm around you. 

You had fallen asleep with Dean...on the impala. 

You smiled despite yourself. Did that not sound like the fantasy of every girl who's had a crush on Dean Winchester _ever_? And here you were, living it real time! You felt almost giddy. 

But you came to your senses before you got too carried away. You knew it wasn't like that. Dean cuddling you in his sleep _once_ doesn't mean he's into you. Not the way you were, anyway. It wasn’t even a little crush, it wasn’t anything. 

It certainly wasn’t _love_. It'd be _pathetically_ naïve to expect that. 

Slowly, you moved your head up to look at him. 

When you were face to face with him, you could feel your heart practically trying to break through your ribcage. You'd seen Dean sleep all the time, but you've never been this close. God he was just... _gorgeous_. In his sleep, he looked so at peace. Every muscle relaxed, not a trace of stress or worry. You took in every detail of his face. His lips were slightly parted, and the wrinkles between his brows weren't as prominent. His bed hair was the most adorable thing you'd ever seen, little tufts sticking out in all directions, and falling down onto his forehead. His nose and cheeks were covered in tiny freckles and if you could, you'd count them all right then and there. Honestly, you totally would've. If Dean's eyes didn't shoot open with no warning whatsoever. 

You yelped and by instinct, shoved yourself away from him, regretting your decision immediately as you missed his warmth...and fell right off the impala landing in a heap on the ground. 

You groaned in pain as you wished you could just curl up into a ball and disappear. 

_Fall asleep with Dean Winchester and have him wake up to your face inches from his, then give him a shove and fall on the floor. Fucking smooth, y/n._

_"_ Y/N?" Dean's morning voice was hoarse, and _sexy_ , and your stomach would've been doing backflips if you couldn't feel Dean's stare burning holes into you. You were still curled up on the floor, but you could almost vividly picture him stifling a laugh as he looked down at your embarrassment from the hood of the impala. 

"What are you doing?" 

You gathered all your courage, and what little dignity you had left, and looked up at him. 

You were a little surprised. You were _not_ in fact, met with undying laughter. If anything, Dean was just as stunned as you were. 

Preparing to make an excuse for your stupidity, you cleared your throat. Your morning voice probably didn't do you as much justice as Dean's did him. 

"I fell." were the only words you managed to get out. 

At this, Dean smiled a big goofy smile. And you felt your heart leap, despite your embarrassment. "I figured." You felt your face get hot again, and you hoped to _god_ you weren't blushing. 

Just in the nick of time, you heard a familiar voice coming from behind you. You sat up and whipped around to see Sam, just as bed-headed as the two of you, walking in your direction. 

"Dean? Y/N? What the hell are you guys doing?" You both just stared, dumbfounded. You could only imagine how confused Sam would be to walk into a sight such as this. Dean was outstretched on the hood of the impala, looking down at you sitting on gravel, red as a tomato. Sam looked at Dean, and then down at you. 

"You...weren't in your beds so I thought I'd come out to look for you." 

You still had no idea what to say. 

You had to give Dean a little credit, he tried his best. Though he was stuttering almost as much as you would've if you’d have been shoved into your seventh grade classroom. 

"We were uh...me and Y/N...we just thought...I-I saw the view and I thought...lot's of stars...it'd be nice to look at...and..a-and we looked at it....and then..." 

Sam eventually shut Dean up, and you doubted he was listening anyway. The guy was practically half asleep. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he groggily slurred out, "How bout you guys just come in. I'll freshen up and get breakfast."  
And then Sam was gone, leaving you and Dean with each other again. 

You looked at Dean only to see that his face of embarrassment and confusion had once again turned into a stupid grin. He held out his hand. "Comin', shrimpy?" 

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't hold back the smile that spread on your face as you grabbed his hand and pulled yourself up. "My height only makes it easier for me to kick you in the nuts, smartass." Dean chuckled as the two of you headed back to your room in the motel. 

**Dean**

Unlike Y/N, Dean remembered everything perfectly. 

Dean actually woke up before Y/N. (Though he'd never admit it to her.)  
When he woke up, he instantly regretted it. It meant the moment was coming to an end. It meant he'd have to get up and take a shower and brush his teeth and look for a case all over again, and everything would go back to normal. It was just another painful reminder that he couldn't spend the rest of his life holding Y/N in his arms. 

Y/N.  
Dean had learned so much about her in just one day, it was like she suddenly became a whole new person. Dean carefully moved his head to look down at her, still fast asleep. Her head had been resting on his upper arm. He only then realized his arm had fallen asleep, but he didn't move. It was like having a puppy fall asleep in your lap. A beautiful, amazing, unbelievably spirited puppy. That he was desperately in love with. 

Usually when they fell asleep together, it was always Y/N holding Dean. She'd be sitting beside his bed, holding his hand, or she'd sit right on his bed and he'd have his head in her lap, and she'd stroke his hair and talk to him about...well, anything. The diner they had dinner at that day, recipes for pie, occasionally she'd talk about some book she'd read... it was always just anything that'd lighten his mood. Y/N was practically incapable of coherent speech when it came to anyone else -besides Sam, of course- but when Dean needed it, that girl could go on and on and on about the most random things. One night she kept Dean up for so long just talking about one of his flannels, how much she _hated_ the color and that he just _had_ to burn it. It was so adorable he had forgotten what he'd even dreamed about. She was shocked when she realized he'd actually kept awake through all that, quote on quote "nonsense". Dean brushed it off with "I just enjoy fashion advice." 

But really, Dean was simply mesmerized by Y/N. He wasn't even looking at her, he had his head in her lap and he faced away from her as she sat against the headboard. But he didn't want to fall asleep, because the sound of Y/N's voice was a lullaby too beautiful to sleep through. He didn't want to stop feeling her hands run through his hair, he didn't want to loose that feeling of security, knowing she’s not going anywhere, not like everyone else. He loved listening to her ramble. That girl could read out the damn phonebook for all he cared, he'd listen.  
  
It was always Y/N who helped _him_ sleep. When he looked back at all those times now, Dean only could feel a surge of emotions, all of which he was sure were guilt.  
Dean looked at her now, and with his face being mere inches from hers, he was able to notice things he hadn't noticed before. He noticed bags beneath her eyes from sleepless nights, he noticed the way her eyebrows seemed relaxed, and how her eyes weren't so crinkled from smiling all the time.  
He noticed for the millionth time in two years how beautiful she was. 

Three years. _Three years_ he'd known Y/N, for almost _two years_ he was in love with her, and he hadn't noticed a damn thing was off. Why? And _how?_ God if she was that good at hiding it she must have been going through it for ages. Dean couldn't get his mind off it. Was she really hiding it that well? Or was he just a shitty friend? Had Sammy noticed and not told him? No... Sam would've told him, right? 

But Sam shouldn't _have_ to tell Dean. He should've realized it himself. 

__Sigh.  
  
Y/N was such a good person. Why was it always the best people who got the worst of everything? Why _Y/N_? What the hell did she ever do to deserve pain like that? 

Dean's train of thought was cut short as Y/N began to stir. His eyes widened as he felt a surge of panic break out in his stomach.  
__  
Shit. Shit shit shit. Okay, pretend you're asleep Dean. You're fast asleep. You've been asleep this whole time.  
  
You can imagine what the next few moments were like for Dean. 

_She's looking at me. What do I do? She's just staring. Fuck, did I drool? I think I drooled._

_Is she uncomfortable with my arm around her? Should I move it? No, she'll know I'm awake._

_Fuck this is torTURE. SHE'S SO CLOSE TO MY FACE._

_Can she hear my heartbeat? Shit, I think she can hear my heartbeat. Calm down Dean, stay calm._

_She's right in front of my face. Should I open my eyes? No, that'd be weird. Would it be weird? Fuck._

_Screw it._

Dean regretted opening his eyes for the second time that day. 

_Aaaaand you made her fall. Great **fucking** job, Dean._

Dean checked to see if Y/N was alright. 

_She's so cute when she's embarrassed._

After a bit of banter was when Sam came into the picture and pulled him and Y/N back to reality. And here he was now, groggy and sleepy, brushing his teeth in the bathroom, not holding Y/N. 

Dean was always smooth when it came to women. Never hesitated, never had to prepare his words before he said them. And look at him now! His hands would get clammy, his mouth went dry, he always felt his heartbeat increase whenever Y/N was around. He felt like a _schoolgirl_. 

Dean's standards were, usually... higher, than most. You couldn't blame him. He’d always been quite popular with the ladies, and had every reason to be confident with himself. He was the guy who would get that one girl everyone was drooling over. Cleavage, gorgeous hair, long legs, heels that a ballerina could trip in and faces full of perfectly applied makeup. He had never felt too scared or too nervous to talk to a woman. Dean could flirt his way in or out of anything. But Y/N... 

Y/N was nothing like the girls Dean normally could, or _would_ so easily win over. Y/N didn't put her chest out for display. She wasn't anywhere close to being tall and she never wore heels. She didn't look like a model who was about to have a photoshoot 24/7. She never wore make up and she didn't throw fits over pimples or broken nails. 

No. Y/N… Y/N was something different. 

Y/N took care of Dean and his little brother. She was the girl who cooked dinner when all three of them were too tired to go out to get food, who would put a pillow under Dean's head when he'd fallen asleep doing research, or rest a timid hand on his shoulder and tell him to head to bed. She was the girl who stopped fights between the two brothers. She'd make trips to the store when none of them wanted to. She'd fill in for Dean when he shamelessly bailed on research. She'd stay up late nights going through monstrous volumes of books to lighten the load for Dean and Sam, and make hunts go three times faster. She was the girl who would look Dean in the eyes and tell him she understood, and that it would be _okay_ , after everyone else had turned their back on him. 

Y/N wasn't some hot chick at a bar Dean would have a one night stand with. She was so much more than that. 

Y/N was too quiet to function without the help of the boys. She was shy and unconfident with herself.  
Y/N liked staying indoors and grimaced at the taste of alcohol.  
Y/N wore huge flannels and geeky t-shirts. She tied her hair up in half-assed messy buns when she got frustrated with it being in her face as she tried to work. She furrowed her eyebrows ever so slightly when she read and she would bite her he lip or nibble the end of her pen with a little frown as she tried to think and it drove Dean _mad_. 

He obviously knew what all this was now. But for a while, he didn't know what he was feeling, simply because he'd never felt this way before. Sure, he'd had some girls who he felt quite similar about. He's had Lisa, for example. But he'd had it this gut-wrenchingly strong. 

No girl had ever been able to make him feel this way before. Dean was running in circles at first. Why couldn't he take his eyes off Y/N, no matter how friggen' hard he'd try? Why has he memorized every single feature on her face? Why did his heart jump every time she did something as simple as tying her hair? 

He worried about her more, got more protective over her. He found himself getting jealous when he saw other men giving her looks, and became infuriated when he realized she'd noticed them and had begun to feel uncomfortable. 

Dean slowly realized he almost never stopped thinking of her. He didn't like it when she wasn't around, but the minute she walked into a room it was like he was seeing her for the first time and he had to make a good impression. He felt like he'd suddenly gotten ten times less attractive, and he would fix his shirt or check if there was any food in his teeth or at the corner of his mouth. She made him feel like self-conscious teenager. It was all just so _foreign_ to him. He'd only gotten closer with Y/N over time, but he longer he knew her, the harder he felt his stomach jump every time he looked at her. 

It was after one specific hunt he finally put a label to what this chaos was.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_-Flashback-_

_They were hunting a Wendigo in a large, dark forest. It was a simple enough hunt, but it had used Dean's voice to throw Y/N off. It screamed in terror, trying to mimic Dean as if he were in grave danger. She began running towards the direction of the wendigo's voice, it was trying to lure her as far away from the boys as possible. Dean tried to call to her. He knew all he was doing was confusing her, with the wendigo screaming similar things to her from her opposite side, but he was desperate. She was too far away from him and was still running, there was no way he could get to her in time.  
Dean finally got her attention only to see her being pulled into a hole in the ground. Dean heard shrill screams, and felt his stomach drop. He screamed your name, fear and worry lacing his very being as he jumped down the hole and began looking everywhere for you. He searched and searched and searched, desperately calling out to you. He ran around, turning every corner, moving every rock, every shelf, he frantically shoved things out of his way, desperately calling out to you, desperate to hear a voice back. But his dismay was doing him no advantage. Through his clouded mind and blurry vision, Dean barely knew what he was doing. He just wanted to get you out. He wanted you back. _

_When Sam found him eventually Dean was in tears. Hos voice was strained and broken, throat gone dry from yelling your name. "Sammy I can't find her! She's gone! Fuck, I lost her, she's gone!"_

_He was hysterical. It was like everything in his brain had vanished, all capability of coherent thought, and all that was left was the same recurring sentence._

_"I lost her."_

_He didn't want to believe you were gone. He broke down right there in the middle of a wendigo's hide out, because it felt like nothing else mattered anymore. You were gone, and apart from Sam, life seemed... pointless. Useless. He had never realized how much of a difference you'd made in his life, until he'd gotten a taste of what it would be like without you. And this was just barely scraping the tip of the iceberg. He had no idea how he'd managed to handle himself before he'd met you. He almost wished he never had, because now, he didn't think he'd be able to go on without you, and he would never be able to live with himself knowing he let you down._

_If it wasn't for Sam, Dean would never have found Y/N. She was tied up in ropes and hanging from the ceiling in a dark corner, covered in blood. Dean's heart tore to pieces when he saw the condition she was in, and when he discovered she was breathing, the enormous amount of relief he felt still wasn't enough to cover up the self-hatred and guilt that had already started to build up. They got her down, ganked that asshat of a wendigo and cut her down._

_They rushed you to the impala. Dean tossed Sam the keys without a word as he eased you into the back seat, cradling you in his lap once he got in seconds later. Sam sped off, heading for the bunker. Dean tried his hardest, giving you as much water as you could drink to make up for the blood loss, while working to cover up some of your wounds to stop it from seeping out, begging Sam to hurry up. It wasn’t long before Dean began crying again. He couldn’t lose you. He couldn’t. He cried into your hair, constantly peppering kisses on your forehead, begging you to **stay strong, Y/N, I’m so sorry, please stay strong.** Desperately weeping for you to **hold on, for the love of God baby hold on, we’re almost there**. _

_Once you reached the bunker, you had gathered just enough strength to stand, even though you were putting all your weight on Dean. He practically carried you inside. Sam took care of the unpacking, as Dean sat you down and hurriedly grabbed the first aid-kit._

**_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_**

___Dean tended to her wounds. A deadly silence filled the air, with occasional hisses of pain from Y/N and muttered guilty apologies from Dean._  
_He told himself that she was just too tired to talk, but who was he kidding. Deep down, of course he was expecting her to be mad. And he believed he deserved it._  
_He finished stitching her up and made her her favourite dinner while she showered off._

___Dean's head was filled with emotions. Worry, stress, guilt... he had almost lost Y/N back there. He never gave a thought to the fact that she might not be around forever, and this was a major reality check for him. A terrifying one at that. He knew now what losing Y/N would feel like, and he was sure there was no way he'd pull through._  
  


___Dean was so caught up in his own head, he didn't notice Y/N walk in. When he looked at her, he froze._  
  


_He'd thought up a thousand apologies, each one sounding sappier than the next. But now that she was there, standing in front of him...he didn't know what to say._

_He wanted to hold her tighter and closer than he's ever held anyone and just tell her that he was so fucking sorry, that he wouldn't be able to function without her. He knew he didn't deserve it yet he found himself wanting to beg for her forgiveness. He knew he deserved every ounce of anger Y/N probably had in store for him, but he just hoped to god it was temporary, because he knew now, he'd never be able to handle losing Y/N. Not like this. Not ever._

_But when Y/N met Dean's eyes, the first thing she did... was smile._

_It was her little shy, sweet smile. And Dean immediately felt his heart swell. She was doing it again, what she always did._

_Telling him that it was **okay**._

_And right there in the bunker kitchen, is where he realized._

___Dean Winchester was hopelessly, indecisively, head over heels in love with Y/N L/N._  
  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Dean was pulled out of his little day dream session by some very aggressive banging on the bathroom door. He was about to yell until he heard the aggravated voice coming from the other side.  
"Dean, hurry _up_! Sammy's already back!"  
Dean chuckled as he said he'd be right out, and that it technically was Y/N's fault for letting him go first. 

He could practically hear her roll her eyes, and smiled to himself as heard her walk away, mumbling incoherent, half-hearted insults at him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop Woop! 2nd chapter down! 
> 
> Chapter 3's in progress. Stick around, I'll do my very best to make it worth your while :)  
> I really hope you enjoyed that, tell me what you thought!


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